Not So Wonder Woman

No. Just. No. Wonder Woman 7 made me nostalgic for Wonder Woman 6, which was no prize. Jodi Picoult is a best selling novelist. She said all the right things in interviews about her latest writing gig. I thought I had reason to be hopeful about her stint on Wonder Woman. Best I can say is we're not waiting 2-4 months between issues. I kinda wish we were.

This installment read like a plot synopsis, with a few snappy lines of dialogue thrown in. The banter between Circe and Wonder Woman was kind of embarrassing, like they were going through the motions. Like they had a script and didn't quite get their motivation. The opening narration paled, though, in comparison. It was amateurish. Yes, it served its purpose, filling us in, but it was clumsy. And we're still getting a Diana who doesn't know her place. Yeah, this book is way off the mark, time-wise, but delays aside, it's still supposed to be after 52 which was a year without Wonder Woman (and Bats and Supes), so it's really hard to reconcile this characterization of Diana with the one now appearing in Justice League of America. Brad Meltzer is writing a sharp, strong, confident character. Jodi Picoult is writing Wonder Woman as if she just stepped off Paradise Island and forgot how to swim.

But all that is nothing next to the sheer silliness that ensues after she rescues Nemesis. First, she gets him down from the rafters. She thinks, "I've got to get him medical attention." Then he makes a sexist remark (in his delirium?) and she drops him. Drops him! Guess he really needs medical attention now.

But wait! There's more. Diana next thinks, "He's losing a lot of blood." Well, duh. He was cut up and you dropped him. Deliberately. That can't help coagulation. So she breaks into a veterinary clinic, during which we get her wrestling with her conscience about breaking rules or laws or whatever because she can't risk taking him to a hospital. Nevermind that she could drop him off outside an ER and fly away before anyone notices her. It's not like he can't stand, for Pete's sake. We see him standing while she breaks into the place and rips out the alarm. It goes off for a few seconds, beep beep bee--, but no one shows up while she's treating him even though, as she thinks, "I'm not doctor, but Nemesis should be back to normal..." And there's no sign she took an x-ray or transfused him or anything, just bandaged him up a bit.

So Nemesis, who's hungry, eats a dog biscuit while Diana offers him a rabies shot -- ha ha -- because clearly, he's no longer bleeding to death. So they then head off to follow some lame ass clue about -- well, gosh darn it, I forgot why -- and she's flying with him, but "flying at super speed would do serious damage to him in his condition." What condition? He's no longer bleeding and he's "back to normal," or should be. Well, of course, she can't make up her mind about that, because, in her own words, she's "not a doctor."

I kinda lost my focus after that. Some more things happened. Sarge Steel showed up. Apparently, there's a locator chip in Nemesis' uniform, probably in the pants since he's no longer wearing a shirt. Nemesis is a bit peeved that they didn't use it to rescue him from Circe. Maybe they were watching American Idol. Anyway, Wonder Woman goes off with them and now she's a prisoner and it seems Steel's bosses want the "Purple Death Ray." Uh-oh. How will Diana get out of this fix? *yawn*

Will someone wake me when this arc is over? I seriously hope the new gig Gail Simone was offered and for which she's giving up Birds of Prey for is Wonder Woman. We need her on this book. Because right now, it's reading like fan fiction. And not very good fanfic at that.